


Wherever you go (bring me home)

by Moodypetrichorlove



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Dialogue Heavy, Drama & Romance, F/M, Feelings Realization, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24338299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moodypetrichorlove/pseuds/Moodypetrichorlove
Summary: Riley’s door is closed, which is new for this time of the day. Her door doesn’t close until after dinner when she goes to bed. He takes a step in the direction of her door but then seems to hesitate; maybe the closed door is her way of asking for space, of keeping him out. However, as quick as he is to hesitate, he’s even quicker to grab on to whatever sanity and courage he has left and levels up on his solid determination. He needs to talk to her. He is not going to back down now.
Relationships: Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 143





	Wherever you go (bring me home)

**Author's Note:**

> Few weeks after 4x13. Mac finds out Riley is moving out and he confronts her. 
> 
> I hope you guys will like my attempt! Also, please leave comments, and make my day? I'd really appreciate it. :)) 
> 
> Title taken from "Sea of Lovers" by Christina Perri.

As he kills the engine, bringing the car to a stop, he thinks to stop and take a breath, just for a fraction of a second, so as to calm his jittery nerves at least a little, but then Bozer's words echo in his mind and he can’t bring himself to pause. He needs to get inside this very instant, talk to her, and then perhaps he can think about breathing and calming down and whatnot. 

He jumps out of the car and rushes toward the door, moves to open it and thanks his lucky stars it isn’t locked. He doesn’t think he could have used the key right now because he’s feeling too shaky, too unsettled to do much of anything right now. There is a quiet tremble coursing through his body, cutting off his steadiness, and it doesn’t seem like it’ll be going away anytime soon. It feels like it’s here to be a permanent, bone-deep addition to his already messed-up life. 

As soon as Mac enters his home, he can sense a certain tension in the air. And silence that grates at him. Usually when he comes home from the Phoenix after Riley, he is greeted by the sounds of video games and Riley adorably trash-talking her virtual rival. Today, though... Today it’s too quiet, and it doesn’t take Mac too long to decide he doesn’t like it. 

Riley’s door is closed, which is new for this time of the day. Her door doesn’t close until after dinner when she goes to bed. He takes a step in the direction of her door but then seems to hesitate; maybe the closed door is her way of asking for space, of keeping him out. However, as quick as he is to hesitate, he’s even quicker to grab on to whatever sanity and courage he has left and level up on his solid determination. He needs to talk to her. He is **not** going to back down now. 

He moves and knocks on her door twice, but all he gets in answer is silence. He tries again, to no avail. He puts his ear to the door in an attempt to get an idea of whatever is going on in there; he doesn’t hear much but he can make out the gentle whirring of the ceiling fan. He feels himself release a whoosh of air in relief and belatedly realises that a tiny part of him was afraid she might already have left. 

So, she **is** in there. And his initial thoughts about why her door was closed weren’t far off. She really **is** trying to keep him out. He feels a pang of sadness in his chest, which soon turns into disappointment and frustration. No, none of those feelings are directed toward Riley. He's disappointed in himself, frustrated with himself because how could he let this happen? How could he let things get so bad that Riley – one of his best, most precious friends – wants to run away from him? And that too without telling him? How did he not notice that something was wrong? How did he not see that they weren't talking like they used to?

 _Focus, Mac! You do not have the kind of time to indulge in self-deprecation right now!_ A voice which suspiciously sounds like Riley's (he files that bit of information away for later) urgently rings in his ears, and just like that, he’s able to shake off all the questions.

This time when he knocks at the door, it seems like he’s channelling all the anger and frustration within him and taking it out on the poor door. “Open the door, Riles. I know you’re in there,” he calls out mid-knock.

He waits a beat, and his hand is poised to start rapping at the door again when she finally opens the door, leaving his hand hanging in the air in the form of a fist. 

She closes the door behind her and at the sound of the door his hand falls down back to his side. 

She finally looks up at him, making him forget how to breathe for a moment. She just looks so exhausted, totally burnt out, and once again he wonders how he missed this. The guy with a penchant for paying attention to miniscule details couldn't even see that his own best friend was bothered by something. But then again, he doesn't know why he's so surprised by that; after all, he's been failing at almost everything lately. So then why does failing to be a good friend to Riley hurt differently? Why is this feeling way more intense? He thinks – no, he **knows** there's a lot more to it, and he’s confident he's going to be unravelling real soon, probably the second this conversation starts. Which he knows he’ll have to initiate because Riley doesn't seem eager to talk. 

“What were you up to?” he asks her, trying his best to be casual because he's got so many emotions bubbling inside of him that he’s scaring himself. He doesn't want to blow up. He just wants to talk. 

“Nothing,” comes her blatant lie of a reply.

“You sure about that?”

She quirks her left eyebrow, her beautiful face giving away her irritation, and she doesn’t bother dignifying his question with a response. 

“So what you’re saying is that if I were to go into your room this very minute, I wouldn't find the closet emptied out and all your belongings packed?” 

Her eyes widen a little, imperceptible to anyone else but him, however she composes herself quickly, and shrugs, “I don't know what you'd find.”

Okay, so they're both in a mood. He can see the chance of a civil talk going out the window. _Great_ , he thinks, _this is going to be a fun conversation._

“Riles.” He tries to keep the bite out of his tone but it’s another thing he fails at. He doesn’t think he’s **ever** said her name like that before. He would always say her name like he was grateful for it, for her. Sometimes he would say it in a way that would show how proud he was of her, of how far she’s come from the girl who was a member of The Collective, the one they got out of super max. Other times he would say it like she was the only reason he was alive (you know, because of how many times she had saved him – at times, with just a pep talk). But he guesses there really is a first time for everything. 

She looks unperturbed, though, prompting him to just plough on ahead. “When were you going to tell me, huh?”

“Tell you what exactly?”

“You know very well what I'm talking about, Riley. Stop playing dumb; you and I both know you're not.” 

Instead of answering his question, she throws one back at him, “How did **you** figure it out?”

“Bozer let it slip.”

“Bozer and his big mouth, ugh.” She’s about to add more when her mind starts playing her conversation with Bozer back in the war room, after everything with the Merchant went down, and her heart starts hammering in her chest because _what exactly did Bozer tell Mac? Does he... Oh my God, does he **know** I have feelings for him? Bozer, you’re dead._ “What did Bozer tell you? Just asking so I can have a chat with him later,” she casually asks him. Unfortunately, it's not her best work. 

Mac has had enough beating about the bush, so he says, “He told me you’re **leaving**. You’re looking for an apartment.”

_Alright, Bozer, you can live for a little while more._ She’s able to breathe a little more freely, so she says, “Well, Mac, I was always going to leave. So why not now? This was never permanent.”

It hurts him hearing her say that, and his tone automatically softens. “When I told you that you could stay here as long as you wanted, I meant it, Riles.”

“I know you did, Mac. Listen, I'm going to tell you what I told Bozer: I'm just trying to give you and Desi the space you guys deserve.”

“We have enough space, Riles! You don’t need to leave because of that!” He’s back to being exasperated because her answer only seems to remind him of the mess he’s made with Desi, and how it's overshadowing and tainting every other part of his life. 

“Mac, no offense, but you and Desi are already hanging by a thin thread.” _Aah, there’s the blunt and no-nonsense Riley I adore._ “I don’t want to ruin anything any further for you both.” 

“You could never ruin anything,” he claims in a quiet certainty he can feel in his very bones. Riley doesn't ruin things, she makes them better, helps them grow, she makes things right. It's true because that's what she does for him, every day. 

He can see she's touched by what he's just said in the way she blinks her eyes because she's trying to stop the tears from showing up. Mac is disturbed to see she fails at it; he doesn't ever like seeing her cry, even though she doesn't do it often. 

When she speaks, her voice quavers, “I’m sorry, Mac, but I can't do this. I have to leave. Please understand th-“

“No, I... I can't! I can't understand because you’re not telling me the truth. Tell me the truth about why you're leaving and maybe then I'll understand!” He’s yelling now and he hates himself for it, but it's like he has no control over himself. His emotions are all jumbled up and he doesn't know what to do. He feels like he loses **all** control around this amazingly strong yet infuriatingly headstrong girl in front of him. This is just the first time he might be letting it show. _Wow, it really is a day for a whole lot of firsts, huh?_

Riley doesn't look frightened or offended hearing him yell at her. Instead, it looks like she somewhat understands his inner turmoil better than he does. Like she has just given up a battle she had been fighting against herself and is ready to finally tell him the truth behind her decision to move out. 

She meets his eyes and he can see the sad, decided resolve in them, like she knows she's setting herself up to get hurt. Then there’s a wistful smile on her face and he can hear her say, “You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?” 

Mac is totally, completely flabbergasted at that. There is so much anguish in her voice, and the words themselves, even when she says them so softly, are so sharp-edged that they feel like a dagger being twisted in Mac's stomach. He's rendered speechless, mouth open, and blue eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. 

She comes closer to him then, and there's only enough space for one hand to slip between their bodies. Straining her neck to look up at him, she begins demurely, “Mac, I'm going to tell you something at the risk of losing you forever, and I’d really appreciate it if, after I've said it, we could just pretend that this never happened. I know it's a lost cause, but still putting this out there.” 

The fact that she's afraid of whatever is going on here, afraid enough she thinks she might lose him, brings him back and he finds himself capable of speaking again. “You’re never going to lose me, Riles. Not if I can help it. Trust me on that.”

His intense sincerity weakens her resolve for a moment, but she's quick to shake it off. “Yeah, you’re going to change your mind.”

He wants to tell her that's never going to happen, but he knows she won't believe it. He’ll have to show her for his words to take full effect. So, he focuses on something else: the words that left him reeling like he'd been physically struck, and his voice is urgent and scared when he asks her, “Riley, what do I do to you? Because if I’ve been hurting you or demeaning you in any way, or if you feel used, please tell me. I can fix it.”

He’s basically pleading now, trying to come up with reasons why all this is happening and she feels guilty. He’s been through what most people experience over a lifetime in only a few, short months and here she is, putting him through more. 

Placing her hand on his shoulder, she rushes to reassure him, “Hey, no. You haven’t done anything like that. Stop blaming yourself.” 

“Then, please make me understand, Riles. What did you mean?”

“You know, for a genius who can improvise and innovate in seconds, you can be a real oblivious dumbass sometimes,” she says, with a hint of teasing. 

He’s pretty sure he looks way more confused than he’s ever looked in his life. Which is why he decides to keep mum and let her talk. He doesn’t think he can contribute to the coherency of this conversation, if there is anything coherent about it, that is. 

Riley continues, “Just know that I never wanted for any of this to happen. It just did and I was helpless against it. Mac, I respect Desi a lot, okay, and I'm afraid that if I stay here, with you, I might end up hurting her.” She notices his mouth opening, ready to argue, so she hastens and beats him to it. “I know you think that's stupid and ridiculous, but every day that I’m here, my heart cracks a little bit more. It hurts, Mac. One of these days, it’ll shatter completely and then I'll lose whatever control I have left and say or do something to upset my friends. And nobody wants that.”

She’s talking about Desi an awful lot and it sounds to him like being around him and Desi is why she’s hurting. So, he's thinking, he’s thinking, he’s thinking, and suddenly there’s a bulb all lit up in the far-off recesses of his mind, and he thinks he knows what her reason actually is, but his brain is so foggy he’s still struggling to grasp it in his buttery fingers. 

“Riles, is this really necessary? You moving out? You could never hurt any of us.” 

She turns her gaze to the ground, takes a heaving breath, and when she looks up at him, her eyes are red-rimmed. She’d been crying. And he curses himself for noticing it only now. She whispers, “Yeah, but I’m hurting myself.”

And the fog abruptly lifts, realization dawning on him; he wonders how he could've been this unaware. His heart takes up a staccato rhythm, hard and fast and sharp, and with each thud his heart feels like it’s falling because _am I about to lose Riley?_

Riley must see something on his face, must see that he’s somehow recognised the issue at hand. The hand that was on his shoulder moves up to his cheek now and his eyes flutter shut, the softness of her palm and the gesture itself melting him. He hears her sweet, **sweet** voice then, “I’m falling in love with you, Mac. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. So, you see, I really do have to go.” 

Mac’s eyes open up, glassy, full of wonder and a million other emotions, each fighting for dominance. With their faces so close to each other, Riley thinks she can see a storm raging in them. One she’s certain will leave all of them – herself, Mac, and Desi – stumbling in the aftermath. 

He stays silent. All the wheels in his mind are spinning simultaneously, so fast he can’t focus on one single thing, and once more, he is speechless in Riley’s presence. The fact that her confession is warming up his insides, that it feels like all the square pegs inside of him are finally slotting back into their rightful places doesn’t help him any. He is overwhelmed. Less with Riley’s confession and more so by his own reaction to it. Because he is in no way bothered by it, but he **should** be, right? That is the normal way to go about in a situation such as this. Riley is his **best** friend and he has a girlfriend. Though, when does Mac ever do anything the conventional way? 

Riley takes his silence as a rejection of sorts, as him already distancing from her, as him changing his mind. Just like she said he would. There’s a beat and a hint of the saddest smile he's ever seen her wearing, and then she bravely says, “I want you to be happy... even if it’s not with me. Let me go, Mac. I'm leaving your place, but I'm not leaving you. I promised you’d never be alone, remember?”

His head falls down, as in defeat, only to connect with hers. Foreheads pressed together, nuzzling his nose against hers, he says, “I want you to stay. But,” he adds, capturing her hand on his cheek with his own, “I can’t be selfish with you. I respect you too much.” And maybe there is some other reason behind that as well, which he isn't ready to say out loud this instant, because it wouldn’t be fair. It would feel too much like manipulation and Riley doesn't deserve that. 

“You'll be fine, Mac. You always are.” She isn't sure whether she's trying to soothe him or herself. 

He disagrees wholeheartedly but nods once, turns his head and presses a kiss into her palm. She looks about ready to sob and he hates that, doesn't want that to be the last memory he remembers of her in his home; so, he gives her one last, significantly weak, smile and moves to go to his room. Halfway there, he pauses; he just needs to ask her one last thing. He can feel her eyes on him, so he knows she's still standing there. 

“Were you ever going to tell me?” 

Her voice cracks as she replies, “I don't know. I'm sorry, Mac.” 

“Riles, no apologies needed. Seriously. You do what's best for you. I'll be here.” That’s a lifelong promise.

There’s so much more he wants to say. Numerous words are stuck in his throat, choking him, but he can’t seem to get them out. He guesses he's just not as brave as she is. 

He goes to his room and doesn't come back out until she's gone the next morning. The stony, grating silence is back and this time it's so loud it's deafening.

It's too bad Mac was incapable of using his words to the best of his abilities last night. So it’s only when he enters her vacant room, where her scent is still in the air, that the words that had threatened to strangle him last night come tumbling out, “I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You are so important to me, you are such a big part of my life, that I just... I can’t imagine you **not** here. I don't want to lose you. It'll break me.”

His cheeks are wet, his breathing heavy, and he knows he needs to give her time. He has to respect her wishes. Perhaps he could use this time for some much needed self-exploration, and a talk with Desi; he needs to sort himself out before he can bring Riley back to **their** home. 

Back to him. 

He won't stop until he does.   



End file.
